Self Love Project 3

Alex! We missed you and are happy you are feeling better <3 

 

Purple Moose Portraits Self Love 3 Zoey

 

“I wanted to take the space to congratulate Zoey on her photography sales <3
You go girl- so proud to have you apart of the team, you have a fantastic eye and when we practice together in studio you quickly pick up what I point out and the change is significant!”
-Jen

 

 

Purple Moose Portraits Self Love 3 Amanda

“This photo (shoot) did not turn out the way I had intended and I think I’ll save that story for the next month…

I was covered in cow manure, maybe 40 minutes prior to frantically getting to Jen and Zoey (happily too I might add) I’ve been entranced with my garden this year.

Things like this self-love photo project do my heart well, a means to admire myself and reflect on what I want to represent.

Because admiring yourself is hard to do, and I think I would admire myself a little more if I touched on a deeper subject that’s been becoming a part of my everyday life. I struggle with an anxiety disorder called post-traumatic stress disorder, otherwise known as PTSD. I truly feel like everything is meant to happen as it does and we’re led to the places we need to be by our own doing. I was meant to show up, and I was meant to open up about a subject I don’t talk about with anyone. I think this because I seem to be drawn to and surrounded by others like me without intending to. I never really thought much of my PTSD diagnosis until this last year. I see it in so much of my behavior I’m very hyper-vigilant; I’m combative, I’m always afraid something bad is going to happen to my children. I have to push myself to be okay with them not being in my direct care all the time. I even had to leave a job I loved for 8 crazy years. All because the things that happened when I was younger carved pathways in my brain that direct me to fight or flight adrenaline responses in most situations now. It was a long time coming but I broke down, and the catalyst for it all was the two most important people in my life, my children. After I had them it opened up doors inside me that I had kept closed for a long time. Its natural and inevitable that when you start to raise your own children you look back to your childhood for reference. What if that childhood wasn’t safe; it tends to bring up all the bad memories and is re-traumatizing. I came undone and I knew I needed change.

So 2015 sucked.. and was transformation and amazing (but I won’t kid you it mostly sucked). I either ended all contact or limited it with my parents and even if it scared or offended people that “I wasn’t loyal to them”, it didn’t matter. I owed it to myself to love myself enough to leave what was keeping me sick. If talking to or being with my parents gave me knots in my stomach and endless tears, then I needed to change because they weren’t about to change and that’s okay. Its okay because I get that addiction takes a side seat for no one. There’s no amount of love in the world that could cure addiction, it’s a journey of self-reflection and self-love. Addiction isn’t something you can wish away or gnash your teeth at till it’s gone, addiction is the treatment not the problem. So more than anything I feel heartbroken for my parents. To imagine a pain so strong and so big that it would cloud my ability to nurture and protect my children, now that I have children, is insurmountable. I had been so overwhelmed that even other people’s trauma would send me into a deep depression, which makes working a front line support position kinda hard. So with all this turmoil and emotion spilling out I did the only thing I could. I left my job. I stayed home, I nurtured my heart and I isolated myself. From everyone who would let me. I spent an entire year adapting and coming to terms with everything I had to do to make myself un-sick.

For myself and for my family I wanted to be happy, which is an odd thought because I’ve always been an outgoing loud and happy person. I more wanted to stop the unrelenting fear and panic. The obsessive tendency to assume the worst about everyone and thing. I started learning the banjo, played more guitar, got obsessed with growing and planting my garden and cleverly enough even started my own business. One that supported my desires to stay at home and also complimented my desires to still be the natural helper I am.

I started Prince Georges only accredited cloth diaper service called PG Diaper Service.

I give moms another option to cloth diapering their babies by washing them for them with industrial machines to guarantee a bacteria free clean. It’s been a huge change to go from health research to entrepreneur. I’ve really started to find my success and even though I have this lifelong effect from such a short amount of years, I’ve never let it hold it me back. Things don’t always go the way they’re planned or thought out, and if it weren’t for this, then I would have never thought to share my story.

Resilient A.F.”
-Amanda

Purple Moose Portraits Self Love 3 Jen

“I can’t say enough about how incredibly touched I am by Amanda sharing so I will share a little…

I too have PTSD – it can effect my everyday. I feel AWESOME because I choose to, I’ve done a lot of hard work on the subject of healing and self improvement. What I went through gave me lessons I carry with me everyday and because of that I have the strength to stand up at women’s event’s and ask the hard questions. What do you do/say/support those 1 in 5 women who are assaulted and looking to grow. One thing is for sure – I’ll never be done this path of self improvement – it is my love and I hope to share my love with as many people as possible.”
-Jen
Portrait of Jen by Zoey

 

 

Are you interested in the Self Love Project? Follow along and comment below! We would love to hear from you!
We welcome you to access this survey – we recommend printing it off and following along month by month 🙂
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Lots of love!
Jen
778-349-5030
Photoshoot@purplemooseportraits.ca
#Selflove